random thoughts from a sleep deprived mama
i've only carried the title of "mama" for a little over 5 months now, but it's amazing how much you learn (specifically about sleep) in that short amount of time when you're caring for a tiny human.
and although i still have SO MUCH more to attain as time goes on, i want to always remember this phase of life.
the completely sleepless, utterly exhausting, insanely beautiful phase we're living right now.
there is never enough coffee.
falling asleep needs to be taught. who knew?!
and when you don't realize this until your baby is four months old, it becomes VERY difficult to teach.
speaking of which, the four month sleep regression is REAL. and even if your newborn slept 5-6 hours at night, does not mean it will stick.
co-sleeping is the only way i've gotten a decent nights sleep in the past month.
forget sleeping like a baby, i want to sleep like my husband.
if i had a dime for every time i said i'd never do something, but then in desperation realized it wasn't that crazy of an idea, so i did it anyway, i'd be RICH.
there's no bigger insult than someone who says their infant is a great sleeper. i want to punch those people.
and then scream into a pillow. and then punch them again. STOP BRAGGING.
i do believe there are babies who are naturally great sleepers and babies who aren't. my kid falls in the latter category...
the tiny morning smiles + giggles make up for all the lack of sleep.
it's amazing how three hours of uninterrupted sleep can make you feel like super woman.
i know i shouldn't let my baby fall asleep on me, but i do it anyway. because babies are meant to be held. and babies don't keep.
as my amazing, supportive and helpful husband (really, he's so great) puts it: this sleepless phase of life is the biggest test of endurance we've faced yet. and that couldn't be more true.
i think back to when i used to run 5 miles at a time (back when i had time to run that far!) and how i just had to keep going, looking ahead, putting one foot in front of the other. when i thought i didn't have anything left, i had to give even more.
and as amazing as parenthood is, it's a true testament to our strength + endurance.
when we feel like we have no energy left and are living off of fumes, we're somehow filled with the most intense, burning passion, that gives us the strength to get up each morning. that, and coffee. lots of coffee.
also, beyond thankful for a husband who sets up the coffee maker every night to start brewing at 6am. because i swear that saves me.
i've never had a more important job to do than raising this small babe. than loving this little guy.
i've never felt more exhausted, yet strong. more valuable, yet small.
this motherhood gig is pretty crazy like that. emotions on emotions.
and if i had to do it without coffee, i would. that shows you just how amazing it really is.